Grieving in the Workplace

My mind is still reeling this month as I lost my sister to cancer and a day later my aunt passed away. Grieving is hard, and I have honestly had some hard moments these past couple of weeks. I’ll be honest, I don’t really want to write anything this month, but I know God has a plan for everything, and He will make everything for good – even this.

While this is not the first time I have had a loved one pass away while in my career, I can say that this is the first time that I have been actively conscious of how I act at work. One of my challenges was that the day after my sister passed, I had to travel for work and I was a mess. I felt guilty for having to leave, but I have a commitment to provide for my wife and children first and foremost, but how the heck was I going to be productive and that happy-go-lucky guy that people have come to know in my work community?

First thing I did was call one of my Brothers in Christ and let him know what was going on; his words were exactly what I needed to hear, he told me “You can trust God in this.” So while I had all these conflicting feelings, I could trust that God had already gone before me and that no matter what, I was going to be ok. By trusting Him in this, all those feelings faded away.

Second thing I did was not tell everybody (this was a first for me). Only recently have I learned that I do not need to share everything with everybody. So I told my two immediate supervisors who were also traveling with me. A couple people found out, which is fine, but not airing it out allowed me to keep things private and not about me, which allowed me to live out for Him and my family.

Third thing I am still doing is letting the emotions come. While traveling for work, in both work meetings and social gatherings, I found myself crying. I did not beat myself up; if one noticed, I let them know why I was crying, but for the most part, it went unnoticed – which was fine.

Last thing I will be doing is taking some time with just me and God – I am blessed with a wife who sees me and she booked me a couple nights in a little hotel by the ocean for the weekend. My hope is that I can take this time to continue in my grief, lean into God’s love and embrace, and empty that emotional bucket a bit so I can show up to work with a lighter heart.

Concurrently, writing about this is helping too.

So if you ever have to show up to work on the heels of a loved one passing, trust God in the process; don’t tell everyone what is going on, only a few people you know you can trust to hold the space for you at work; cry if you gotta cry, whenever and wherever; take some time for yourself when you can – and write about, sing about it, however you process about it, but process the grief.

Matt Kellogg is VP of Sales & Business Development at SoundStack – the audio-as-a-service (AaaS) company for every kind of digital audio business.