No DJ Is An Island

Maybe this will be odd: an introvert singing praises to you about connecting with other humans…on purpose. Extroverts, there’s something here for you as well (besides affirmation for not being an introvert). On the air, we’re called to be bridge builders. Sometimes in our own hallways though, we erect walls without even knowing it. This isn’t good for your building’s culture or even your own faith journey.

Our stations recently went through the annual performance review process. (”Performance review process,” there’s a fun phrase for your listeners. Let me hear how you bust that out over a 10 second intro!) It’s a healthy thing for our team though. In the dozen-ish I was part of, occasionally an air talent would tiptoe around some friction between them and a coworker. But was that coworker aware of a possible wall between them and the air talent? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Here’s the common thread from 99% of those conversations: one party or the other purposely avoided the other.

There may have been good reasons for that friction on one side of the relationship or the other. Often though, the friction rose simply out of a misunderstanding of who somebody was or what drove them.

As a person who avoids conflict like it’s a healthy salad, I get it. I grew up in the passive aggressive Midwest. Dancing around issues, kicking the can down the road, ignoring problems until they blow up and I have no choice but to face them….those are my default settings. It rarely ends well. Best case, you get eternal awkwardness.

Jesus knew what He was talking about when He told us to love our enemies. Which, your coworker is hopefully NOT. “Love your frenemy” can be a thing too. Maybe that’s more apt for the potential mini-walls in your building.

When I finally turned the corner (well, I’m still turning it) and started connecting to people I didn’t vibe with, the low level tension began to melt away. I went from defining my relationship with certain colleagues by the tension (or reason for it) to simply seeing them as three dimensional children of God. Nancy was no longer “the annoying lady who’s always late” in my mind; she became a single mom who Door Dashes to pay for her three kids' braces because her ex-husband won’t lift a finger. Her life is non-stop, and I wouldn’t know that if all I ever did was silently roll my eyes every time she’s the last one to walk in. (BTW, sorry if your name is Nancy. We don’t actually have one here…I made Nancy up to illustrate a point. I could have went with Karen, but that poor woman deserves a break.) Nancy should still be on time. But knowing her as a person instead of as a caricature of her worst qualities is heart-softening. (Or would be if she wasn’t fake.)

The opposite could happen. The more you get to know a frenemy colleague, the more reasons you might find to dislike them. Your worst assumptions could be confirmed. I’m gonna go out on a limb and assert that will be the exception, and not the rule. Even then, in the exceptions, there’s still common ground you can search for. Maybe it’s that, as different as they might be from you, you’re both passionate about the mission of the station. Or a certain aspect of radio.

Or sugar-free cherry Jello. Build your relationship on that little island, and if that’s all it ever is, you’ll still be better off than if you disliked them from a quiet distance. Over time, your best qualities might rub off on them. That’s probably part of why God calls us to do life together anyhow, right?

There are still healthy boundaries we should set for ourselves. I’m not suggesting that we start indulging toxic people & behaviors for the sake of false team unity. None of this comes without risk. There’s a level of vulnerability inherent in loving like Christ. There might be moments where you need Him to help you speak in truth and love.

If there are people on your team who just don’t seem like “your people” for whatever reason, please consider how you might bridge that gap. If you’re the person who feels disconnected from the team, look for ways to be present and involved. If you’d rather just do your 8 and get paid without speaking to a soul, you might be on the wrong bus.

Abraham Lincoln’s take on loving your enemy (frenemy coworker) was powerful. “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”