Creating Pull

This sentence grabbed me and threw me in growth space:

The real leverage is creating pull.

Pull?

How often have you, or let me make this negative statement about me. How often have I gotten into a defensive, resistant space when feedback starts? The idea of pulling never crossed my mind.

This is from the book Thanks for the Feedback from Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen:

“The real leverage is creating pull. Creating pull is about mastering the skills required to drive our own learning; it’s about how to recognize and manage our resistance, how to engage in feedback conversations with confidence and curiosity, and even when the feedback seems wrong, how to find insight that might help us grow.”

Pull, you have my full attention.

Lately, I’ve become very aware of when feedback starts. And when it does, I adjust myself internally and…I pull.

Look I’ve been on the air for over 30 years. I’ve heard HORRIBLE things on the “feedback” line. To protect myself, I built cinder block walls around my heart and learned a fast, defensive posture. I built a force field of protection towards those whose words dug into my deepest insecurities.

If we can stand in our true identity in Christ and thus be vulnerable and open, and if we can pull when feedback comes our way, powerful growth is the probable and wonderful outcome.

For a moment, I want to focus on these words from Thanks for the Feedback: "recognizing and managing our resistance."

A health coach has been helping my youngest son understand food and exercise. After working with Jesse for a couple months, Barbara asked to Zoom with me alone. As she began sharing some things she sees in my son, I felt resistance rise up in me. So internally I asked myself to be open, to lean in, to become curious, and to “pul.” Over and over again, resistance and

defensiveness tried to take a stand, but I resisted the resistance. She wanted to help us but my insecurity wanted to build walls and make excuses. So instead, I literally leaned towards the screen and heard myself saying, “Tell me more about what you see.” This was a big moment for me. Her feedback was helpful. Following her advice, my son is seeing an online counselor who is helping him learn how to cope with pain and obsessive thoughts. “Sincerely, thank you for the feedback” is how I ended the call. I am growing.

Thoughts for action:

1. The very next time ANYONE offers you feedback, take an open internal stance and start to pull.
2. Thank people sincerely when they risk being honest with you. You’ve been given a gift: the chance to grow and become.
3. My friends and I are reading Thanks for the Feedback. Read it with us. Let me know if you want to be a part of a discussion of the book at the end of October.
4. When asking for feedback, be specific.
5. Do you have any feedback on this article? Is there something about my thoughts that stirred you or helped you? Is there something I could do better in future writings? lisa@godsradiogirl.com