We’re Best When We’re Ourselves

Amanda Hildabrand, MD WCSG/Grand Rapids

A few weeks ago, Dave Barnes came out with an album called "Who Knew It Would Be So Hard To Be Myself?" Never have I ever identified with an album title as much as I do with this one. WHY is it so hard for so many of us on-air personalities to be ourselves?

I know why.

It's because we get critiqued for every word we say. A listener chooses to stay with us while we're telling a story or punches the button to move to another station. PDs and consultants devote time to pulling apart breaks to teach us about efficiency. We're told to be real and honest, but maybe not TOO real or honest because we don't want to offend too many people (especially if they are donors).

Here are some things about me that, after five years, my listeners know: I'm a wife and a mom. I feel lonely sometimes. My kids are involved in a ton of stuff and I love going to their things, but I get grumpy from being constantly in the car. I love adventures (or as Bob Goff calls them, "capers"). I teach Zumba. I have been betrayed and forgiveness is hard for me. I love to bake. If I am passionate about something, you will hear it through the lump that develops in my throat. I cry happy tears and sad tears and angry tears and hurt tears. I love coffee. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. I don't have a clue about how to raise kids but I care deeply for the ones I have. I oversleep. I can be disorganized and overwhelmed, but I don't see myself as a mess. I take comfort in knowing that everything in my world is under a watchful eye of a God who loves me. Laughing is my favorite.

I hope that if someone listens to my show on any given day, they'll hear one or two of those things come out in my conversation with my co-host and listeners. It just seems easier to be me than to pretend to be whatever it is I'm told "Julie" wants. Yes, Julie loves hearing about how her favorite radio personality let an entire case of Diet Coke explode in her trunk (it's true), but I also think there's a place in our business for the person who is really good at providing comfort. There's room for the woman who isn't in the thick of it right now, but has lived through those days of fussy babies and sick toddlers and husbands who work too many hours. What we don't have room for is FAKE. The real estate our voices occupy on the radio is far too valuable to be spent spewing a bunch of Jesus syrup that may feel like the thing we're supposed to coat everything with, but in reality, it provides no lasting value.

Mom was right; honesty is the best policy, but let me encourage you with this. Your story is YOURS to tell when YOU are ready and in the way YOU want to. Never feel like you have to share the most painful things in your life for the sake of pleasing listeners. You'll end up resenting them and your job if you feel like you need to share before you're ready. When it's time, you'll know, and your words will speak to someone when they most need it.

So, who are you? Who are you trying to be? How do you want listeners to see you? Are those things even remotely close to each other? Are you exhausted from trying to be something you think people want instead of who you really are?

Whatever it is YOU are, be that. And be the BEST at it. There is no one who brings what YOU do to the table. Your authenticity will make people want to spend time with you. If you don't know what that is, make a little list the next time you're waiting for a kid at soccer practice of the things that make you tick. Your likes and dislikes.Your passions and interests.Then start sharing those things.You'll soon find that there are a lot more people who have those things in common with you than you'd expect.

There's a reason you're in the position you're in. Your boss allows you to speak to an audience because there is something about you that makes you appealing. Unless you ARE the boss and you just want to play DJ and aren't very good at it. That's a column for someone else to write, because I'm not touching that.I may be honest, but I'm not stupid.