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Leadership: Overcoming Fear With Courage
January 6, 2022
Have an opinion? Add your comment below. Topics: leadership, radio, fired, career change, entrepreneur
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My boss’ boss entered my office with another leader in the company. I thought that was strange until I saw the manila envelope he was holding.
In an instant, so many thoughts rushed through my head. “How will I afford my mortgage? What am I going to do?!” I remember even saying out loud, “Oh s%*t, we’re doing this right now?”
Sometimes breaking free from the career carousel happens on your terms…and sometimes it doesn’t. One year ago, on January 5, 2021, the carousel I was on came to a screeching halt without warning.
BEING A LEADER ISN’T FOR THE FAINT OF HEART
I’ve “fired” a dozen or so people over the past twenty years. It sucks. Sleep the night before was always restless at best, and I always lost my appetite. Knowing that a person’s world was being turned upside down was heavy. Firing someone is very difficult. Every. Single. Time.
Back to my office where this time I was the one on the other side of the desk being let go. See, I knew what to expect: keep it general and brief, let the person getting fired emote, and as the leader, don’t take it personally if they lash out.
Even though I knew how this unexpected meeting was going to proceed I still wanted answers. “We’re going in a different direction,” was the answer given. Of course, it was!
I knew that was coming! Duh. But, in that exact moment nothing made sense, and nothing felt reasonable.
The meeting eventually ended and the walk of shame to my car came next. I felt numb and hopeless. I hardly remember the drive home as my eyes fixated into a glazed stare out the windshield. Arriving home was not a big deal since I had already texted my wife during the meeting. The next thing I remember was my wife embracing me in the living room, next to the brown couch, telling me with a quiet confidence, “Everything’s gonna be okay.” Somehow, I strangely believed her.
FACING YOUR FEARS
The intent of sharing this story was never about ripping my former employer or wallowing in the past. The rest of the story is actually the point of the story; you simply needed to hear the ugly beginning to fully grasp what’s coming next.
If I were being completely honest, the next few weeks were spent living in fear. It was like a dark shadow that followed me to every room in the house.
It didn’t help that doing pretty much anything else in life was easier than trying to sign-up for and collect unemployment.
Before I knew it subtle rays of light began to break through as colleagues sent me a few projects that gave me worth and began to rebuild my confidence.
My wife encouraged me to finally start my own coaching/consulting business (she had been “nagging” me for a few years). “But who would listen to me?” My confidence was in the toilet and starting a business seemed more complicated than filing for unemployment at that point.
BUT GOD
God and I wrestled about my wife’s suggestion during the day and in the middle of the night. I couldn’t figure out if I was being more like Jacob or Judas at the time. So, I told God “No” just like Jonah.
Then, an opportunity to work part-time at AllAccess.com came unexpectedly. Joel Denver asked me what I was going to do next, so I shared with him my wife’s idea. Joel asked me why I wouldn’t just do that. I kindly repeated to him the lies I believed about myself. As an entrepreneur himself, Joel offered to help me in any way he could. We agreed to talk a few days later.
Our family really didn’t want to relocate and it wasn’t like radio stations were calling to hire me. So, I consulted God, my wife, and Joel again, my three cheerleaders. This time my answer was, “YES!” Peace followed. The weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. The carousel of my career began to slowly turn again.
I was hired part-time on February 15, 2021 as the CCM Format Editor at AllAccess.com. Then, just as I was swimming in style guides and learning brand new skills our daughter came home from college to quarantine. You know what happened next. COVID-19 was gifted to me. My symptoms were night sweats, a 102.8 temperature for four days, and my head, neck, and shoulders felt like they were on fire. Since my home office was in our bedroom, I would work some then sleep some during all hours for the next two weeks.
Starting a new job, battling COVID-19, and launching my own coaching/consulting business called Beyond (615) on March 15, 2021 was ironically easier than applying for unemployment. Never received a dime by the way.
HERE’S THE TAKEAWAY
The picture attached to this article can be interpreted a few different ways depending on your perspective. Here’s mine.
Being fired enabled me to break away from a workplace that I myself didn’t have the courage to leave. It also forced me to wrestle hard and to take a leap of faith into a scary unknown. But I faced those fears and eventually regained confidence. What I found on the other side of a broken carousel was unexpected freedom.
So, I decided to build my own carousel. The beautiful horses who circle with me are ones who choose to be there. Yes, they’re business partners and clients who can break free themselves at any given moment. But, I’m the owner of this carousel who strives to provide value at every turn. My hope is that the fellow horses will stick around and enjoy the ride for a while.
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