Doing Time In Afternoon Drive

Listen, I try to remain optimistic about the future. I think -- KNOW -- that there will always be a need for good audio entertainment, and that radio is uniquely qualified to create that content.

And then yet another major talk station hires yet another disgraced politician for another talk show.

Come on, talk radio. You can do better than that.

This time, a former Governor who spent time in prison after plea bargaining in a fraud case got an afternoon drive slot at a big, big heritage talker. Of course. And there was Rod Blagojevich before that (yes, I know, hung jury. Still, he doesn't carry the image of a paragon of virtue), and at least a couple of former mayors with problems, and so on all the way back to the beginning of the Modern Era of talk radio (remember Tom Leykis announcing, to differentiate himself from the prevailing standards, that he was not a "right wing wacko or convicted felon?").

Now, this is not to say that a disgraced politician can't be a good talk show host. The new guy may very well be a fine talent with a good voice, a grasp of formatics, maybe even an entertainer. (Although the first thing this guy said he'd talk about is the death penalty, which indicates a steep learning curve ahead. Maybe he'll do abortion and gun control next) Perhaps he's the Greatest Talk Talent In History.

But when you're talking about someone whose past includes what amounts to an abuse of the public trust, none of that other stuff matters. Look, talk hosts and DJs aren't always angels, but they're not public officials, either. When you're talking about someone whose crimes involved his public job -- using his office and power for personal gain -- how are the listeners supposed to accept anything that host says? Why would I want to listen to a guy who ripped me off?

It's as simple as this: Your station is supposed to be on the side of the people who listen (we've talked about that here before). Having a corrupt politician as a host is telling listeners you're part of the scam. The publicity you get isn't worth that. And it sends a message to everyone: This is how you get a radio talk show. Just get some notoriety, no matter how, and that's all you need. (And, yes, I have experience dealing with that kind of thing. I'd write about it here, but after 15 years, I'm still too traumatized)

I'm not crazy about the idea of politicians as talk show hosts, anyway. Even the good ones are, at heart, politicians, and political talk radio's best moments come from an inherent distrust of ALL politicians. Besides, do career politicians have the kind of real-life experiences that your audiences would find relatable? Some do, and some politicians can talk about standing in the DMV line or watching "America's Got Talent" or struggling to pay the mortgage. Most can't. If you're trying to reach anyone who isn't a hard-core political wonk, you need someone whose range includes a lot more than political party talking points.

Right now, though, the public in yet another market now knows that talk radio is where politicians go after they get out of prison. Maybe this host will do great numbers and really rake in the revenues, and if he does, fine. But that's not something I'd feel comfortable doing. And that's not my call anymore, anyway.

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All right, enough of the righteous indignation. I'm hardly a candidate for Supreme Arbiter of Morality, Radio Division, anyway. And I'm the guy who collects all the strange, rude, and sometimes outright disgusting news items and topic ideas that populate All Access News-Talk-Sports' widely reviled Talk Topics show prep column. What will you find there? If you go to it now, you'll find items like these: The Situation's iPhone app, a missing giant inflatable gorilla, a woman who can't stop going out naked in public, a new use for dog poop, what the well-dressed New York felon is wearing this season, gross stuff in soda, the world's smallest cow, another dead guy gettinga parking ticket, an unfortunate math problem for kids, why IHOP is suing IHOP, the world's largest dodgeball game, a guy doing something disgusting in the Walmart toy department, a fake soccer team, a camel in a sinkhole (in Oregon!), a shark's meal, spray-on clothing, a poorly-executed burial-at-sea, fake pee for sale, Senators who stay in office too long, the Tea Party primary victories, the end of the 3,000-mile oil change, the aftermath of the San Bruno gas line explosion, and much more. If you can talk about it on the radio, I have it here. THere might even be a Prince Poppycock mention someplace. I forget. And when you're trying to get a show together and need more material, this is where to find it, at Talk Topics in the News-Talk-Sports section of All Access and at the Talk Topics Twitter feed (twitter.com/talktopics) for all the headlines and links in convenient tweet form.

There's a very different "10 Questions With..." interview this week, one done live on the air with Don Geronimo, currently resurgent at KHTK/Sacramento. It's a transcription of the on-air conversation that covers everything from the state of radio today to dealing with life changes to Madden 11. Don't miss it, and don't miss the rest of All Access either, where you'll find all the radio and music industry news first, fastest, and best, plus columns, ratings, job listings, and all the resources you need, all free.

And follow the Net News Twitter feed at twitter.com/allaccess, and my own personal Twitter feed at twitter.com/pmsimon (All Access is not to blame for that one). Download the All Access iPhone app by clicking here or the All Access Android app by clicking here; both apps were developed by our friends at jacAPPS. And pmsimon.com has more of me, and is definitely and understandably not the responsibility of All Access.

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Next week: We will all forget who Prince Poppycock is. At least, I hope so.

Perry Michael Simon
Editor
All Access News-Talk-Sports
psimon@allaccess.com
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