Picking Sides

Here's a little insight into the process for writing this column: During the week, I look for stuff that makes me want to yell at someone. I'm not really a yeller; I manage to keep my temper under control most of the time, but, occasionally I'll see or hear something that gets me flat-out exasperated. When that happens, I make a mental note to use it for that week's column. Then, on Thursday, I forget all those mental notes and scramble to come up with something. I really need to write that stuff down.

No, really, I usually DO remember. (Usually.) This week, what set me off was a question that popped up in a radio news story, which I won't go into at length here. In a blog post, one host, ripping other talk hosts ostensibly on the same side of the political fence for criticizing his favored candidate, asked his rivals this question:

"Now is the time to decide, whose side are you on?"

Side? There's a right answer for all political talk hosts. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Okay, ready? First, the wrong answer. If you said your side is "the Republican Party" or "the Democratic Party," or, for that matter, any political party, or a particular candidate, you are wrong. Please step away from the mic and leave the room. Keep walking. If you said "the conservative agenda" or "the liberal agenda" or any other agenda, you can leave, too. It does not matter if you are a conservative, a liberal, a libertarian, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, atheist, anything. The side you're on -- the side on which you NEED to be -- is the side of the people. The listeners. The public. The little guy, the voiceless, the taxpayers. They are your audience. You represent them. YOUR SIDE IS THEIR SIDE. The moment you think you represent a political party is the moment you've betrayed your listeners' trust.

And you owe it to them not to be a mouthpiece for any party or ideology. You owe it to them to be honest. If you happen to agree with one side or another most of the time, that's fine, but you need to show that you have a mind of your own. And when you get those politicians on the air, whether you personally support them or not, you owe it to your listeners to ask the tough questions and point out contradictions. If the emperor is naked, you should be the one to point that out, even if you like the emperor. You represent your listeners. You have access they don't have. Use it for them.

This shouldn't be a shock. Radio shows are entertainment first (and second, and third), and world-changers somewhere after that. And you can change more if you're, at the core, entertaining, and honest. The moment the listeners can smell that you're using talking points or you're shilling for a party or candidate, you've lost credibility. Maybe you'll still retain some listeners, but you won't win anything.

If you want to use your show purely to get someone elected, please quit. NOW. Go work on the campaign. You're on the other side.

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There were other things that set me off this week, but you wouldn't want to read about them here. However, they might have made good, non-political talk radio topics if I was doing a show right now -- there was the Ultimate D-Bag who drove his SUV at double the speed limit on the wrong side of the road and nearly hit me twice while I was running, there was the guy who hogged one of the weight machines at the Y, there was another guy wearing a workout outfit I can only categorize as the Full "Situation" (patent-leather-like ankle-length baggy shorts, muscle-T, flat-brimmed cap, chains). You should have no problem finding those kind of topics in your everyday life, assuming you have one. But where can you find other material on which to build your show every day? There's a column for that: Talk Topics, the show prep column at All Access News-Talk-Sports.

Examples? How about a poo-powered car? Churchill's UFO coverup? Target's political troubles? A guy with an eel where an eel shouldn't go? Condoms in a gas tank? The Video Game Hall of Fame? A guy whose claim to fame is that he's the guy who dances to "Don't Stop Believin'" at Dodger games? How BP thinks it can keep you as a customer? More rich people pledging half of their money to charity? $82 for a ticket to Disney World? A hunger strike over a water bill? And all the "real news," like the economy, the gay marriage ruling, and Brett Favre wearing Crocs and a smile? It's all there, ready for you to pluck whatever you need out and build yourself a show-like thing. For your convenience, we're also sending out all the headlines with links at the Talk Topics Twitter feed (twitter.com/talktopics).

When you have a couple of minutes, don't forget to click over to read "10 Questions With..." Clear Channel Southern Colorado Director of AM Programming Paul Ihander, who has some smart takes on radio news and what he's been doing since recently taking over the Colorado Springs-Pueblo stations. And, of course, there's the rest of All Access with radio and music industry news first, fastest, and best, plus columns, ratings, job listings, and all the resources you need, all free.

And don't forget to follow the Net News Twitter feed at twitter.com/allaccess, and my own personal Twitter feed at twitter.com/pmsimon. Download the All Access iPhone app by clicking here or the All Access Android app by clicking here; both apps were developed by the fine folks at jacAPPS. And there's always pmsimon.com, my home away from All Access and a repository of whatever happens to be on my mind.

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I'll have some more agita next week; perhaps I'll address a particular PPM thing that makes me want to scream some sense into people. If I remember it, that is.

Perry Michael Simon
Editor
All Access News-Talk-Sports
psimon@allaccess.com
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