Same Old (Bleep)

I'm on the road again, at the Conclave in Minneapolis. At the moment, it's... well, I'm not sure WHAT time it is. I know what the clock reads on my computer and what it says on the alarm clock here in this hotel room, but I'm just not buying either one, because how I feel and what the clock says are not in sync. It's not jet lag so much as it's my brain stubbornly refusing to adapt to an altered schedule and longer daylight hours than back home. By the time I adjust, I'll be on a plane home.

The displacement has my thoughts scattered, too. I've spent the last few days thinking about a lot of things going on in radio and imagining that I could get a column out of each of them, but I can't whip any of it into coherence. If you're a host, you might recognize this; It's like those days when you have a million topics all teed up, something to say about each, but for some reason none of them seem to fill out an hour, or a segment. So I'll just throw a couple of them out here, make a few comments, and move on. Think of it as drive-by commentary.

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First up is the recent indecency ruling by the appeals court. The ruling centered on the fact that the FCC rules as presently constituted leave hosts and stations baffled as to exactly what they can and can't say. Even the "Seven Words You Can't Say On Television" aren't entirely off-limits, but the Commission is all over the ballpark on when you can and can't say them (there's a "news exception," if you can figure out what constitutes "news," and it was OK for "Saving Private Ryan" but not a documentary on the blues). If there's going to be a speed limit, there has to be a number, not "we'll tell you when you went too fast."

Should there be no limits? Maybe not, but the limits should be self-imposed, not a governmental edict. The idea that dropping an f-bomb or saying the whole word implied by the letters B.S. will somehow be harmful to the listener is ridiculous -- most people learn the essential swear words in grade school, and somehow hearing Nicole Richie blurt out one of them doesn't turn anyone into a drooling psychopath. (Watching Nicole Richie in general might do that, but the word doesn't) Sometimes I wonder whether the adults who get really agitated over those words and profess to be "protecting the children" were ever children themselves.

What do I think would happen if hosts just rattled off dirty words on the air all the time? What if there was no rule at all? I think the market would take care of that. It's simple: You wouldn't be able to get a lot of advertisers. You'd be on every no-buy list. No advertising, no money, no "bad words." And if some public station at the end of the dial, not dependent on advertising, started spraying f-bombs around, is it likely anyone would care too much? Some college stations undoubtedly do it already. After all, that IS how college students speak.

And let's admit something else: In context, swearing is kind of natural. We all do it, and that includes those of you who are presently insisting that you never, ever swear. Go ahead, hit your thumb with a hammer and see if "fudge!" or "shoot!" are the words that come out of your mouth.

I wouldn't swear on the radio, but I don't think the world will end if there's no rule prohibiting it. Besides, with an unlimited menu of entertainment and information options that don't and won't have restrictions, that ship has sailed anyway. Somehow, the union will survive.

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Another thing came up here at this conference, and I'll save you the details of what triggered the thought, because that isn't really important. It was just that I happened to see and hear a bunch of radio promos in a short period and it struck me.... A lot of radio imaging and promotions all sound the same. Same voice, same filtering, same copy style, same everything. It's been the same for the last ten, fifteen, even twenty years.

We can do better. I know we can. There are stations out there that break the mold. But most sound alike, and that means that no matter where I am in the country, the top 40's going to sound like the top 40s at home, and there'll be talk stations with "authoritative" imaging voices over music that is supposed to connote "news," and the ACs will sound like the Lite, Fresh, and Star stations everywhere else.

I'm not saying that any of what I heard was bad; To the contrary, it was slick and professional and high quality. But so much of it is stereotypically "radio," with the same voices and styles that have been in vogue for years, that it's starting to sound stale. I'd like to hear more imaging and production that doesn't sound like, well, imaging and production. Natural and simple would be refreshing. Hey, using 1960's jingles on a 2010 format would be refreshing. Anything would be refreshing if it doesn't sound like it came from the Official How To Commit Radio playbook, 1995 edition.

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All right, it appears to be late -- I can't really confirm that, other than that I'm falling asleep at the keyboard -- so I'll wrap this up by reminding you that Talk Topics at All Access News-Talk-Sports hasn't missed a beat despite my travel and intermittent consciousness, and there's the usual load of material for hosts in any format to talk about. If you want to read some interesting thoughts from the guy behind one of the nation's most successful stations, and you do, there's "10 Questions With..." WTOP/Washington and Bonneville VP of News Programming Jim Farley. And the rest of All Access is still providing you with the industry's leading news, columns, job listings, and all the other resources you need, so go there right now. Go!

You're still here? Okay, here's a reminder to follow the Talk Topics Twitter feed at twitter.com/talktopics, the Net News Twitter feed at twitter.com/allaccess, and my own personal Twitter feed at twitter.com/pmsimon. Download the All Access iPhone app by clicking here or the All Access Android app by clicking here, both developed by the fine folks at Jacobs Media's JacApps. And there's pmsimon.com for my mostly non-radio stuff.

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If you're reading this at the Conclave, feel free to track me down and say hi. If you disagree with anything I said, you can even curse me out. I've pretty much set myself up so that I can't really object to that, can I?

Perry Michael Simon
Editor
All Access News-Talk-Sports
psimon@allaccess.com
www.facebook.com/pmsimon
www.twitter.com/pmsimon