So Sue Us

It was, to be sure, what most people in radio would consider an innocuous little trifle, a quick imaging thing that you might not even notice.

Naturally, I noticed.

I happened to be randomly punching up FM stations at the time. I was running, and I was just playing around with the radio to see what I can get -- where I live, the stations you get change practically every block because of the terrain -- and I landed on a station from another market and heard a few commercials, a promo (more about which later), and then, rejoining the music, a little bumper with a voice saying (I'm paraphrasing here): "If you're not completely satisfied with our next song, we'll cheerfully refund half of your money."

Get it? See, radio's free! Half of free is nothing! Ha ha!

The message of that lame (and old) joke is that, well, you're not paying for it, so you can't complain. And why, pray tell, would you complain?

Because the song might suck. And if it does, the radio station wants you to know that it's too bad, because you're not paying for it. They might as well say "Shut up, quit whining, and take what we give you." And, as a matter of fact, that's exactly how some radio stations come off, both for music and for talk. You don't like what we serve up? Hey, can't complain about the price. (Ha ha! Oh, come on, it's just a joke! Now, here's a song that you didn't pick and might not like)

That may have worked in the days when you got one of each format, and there weren't too many other options. You want to hear a particular song and the radio isn't playing it? Go buy the cassette. You want to hear someone talk about the Phillies and your local station's still obsessing on the Lakers? Move to Philadelphia or take what you get. But that was a long time ago. Now, you can get that song in seconds for a buck to play as much as you want, right on your phone. You can instantly program a Pandora "station" based on that artist. You can hear stations from any city wherever you might be, so a displaced fan of one city's teams can listen to the old hometown sports station over the Net. You can listen to people talking about practically anything at any time on podcasts. You have all the options you need.

So when a station tells its listeners, even as an alleged joke, "hey, if you don't like it, we'll (chortle) refund your money," it's telling listeners that a) you'll take what we give you, b) we really don't care what you want, and c) if you don't like it, go to the competition. And they will, because now, they have someplace to go.

Interestingly enough, that promo I mentioned was a corporate promo for the group that owns the station. It touted a corporate website where prospective advertisers can go to get information on how to buy radio ads. That made for an interesting juxtaposition, "please buy advertising on this station" followed by something that suggests "the primary reason people should listen to us is that we're free, not that we're good."

(By the way, I know I've written here that "free is good." And I always note that what we do at All Access is free. The difference is that free is good if the product or service is good; in other words, the ideal is when it's worth paying for but you're getting it for free anyway. "It may suck, but it's free" is not a good selling point)

If you're programming a radio station -- any format -- remember that it's easy to send the wrong message when you're trying to be funny. You're better off projecting a stronger, more positive image about yourself. Don't plant the idea in consumers' minds that you aren't giving them what they want, or giving them anything but what's good. And then deliver on that.

Oh, yeah. That next song? It sucked.

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Instead of the weekly plug for All Access News-Talk-Sports and Talk Topics, I'm going to use the space to let you know that I'll be off duty this coming week. As always, I may or may not pop in from time to time with more items, but rest assured that there are plenty of stories at Talk Topics that you'll be able to use all week. One of the things I try to do is find stories that aren't time-sensitive, so you can use them to kick off discussions that aren't dependent on being "RIPPED from today's headlines." So that'll be the case even while I go off and do other things. You'll also be able to reach me at the usual addresses and numbers.

But that'll be at the end of the week, and most of you in the U.S. will be taking a long weekend anyway. Until then, there are more topics being posted, and there's also a very interesting "10 Questions With..." interview featuring KLSD (XTRA Sports 1360)/San Diego afternoon co-host Jeff Dotseth, too. While I'm taking some time to tend to other matters, the rest of the All Access staff will be hard at work keeping the industry news, charts, ratings, and other great resources coming, and, yes, it's all free. It's worth paying for, but it's free. You can't beat that.

While you have the time, take a few seconds to follow the Talk Topics Twitter feed at twitter.com/talktopics, the Net News Twitter feed at twitter.com/allaccess, and my own personal Twitter feed at twitter.com/pmsimon. Download the All Access iPhone app by clicking here or the All Access Andriod app by clicking here. And check to see if I manage to find time to update pmsimon.com, repository for my mostly non-radio musings.

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Now, I'm going to go wrap things up before the big national holiday on Monday. What? Sunday? No, my birthday's on Mon... "Independence Day," you say? Ah. So THAT'S where they got the idea for the movie.

Perry Michael Simon
Editor
All Access News-Talk-Sports
psimon@allaccess.com
www.facebook.com/pmsimon
www.twitter.com/pmsimon