Everything But The Shuttle Bus

How have I been doing? Glad you asked. It's been a week filled with watching a radio convention online, comprised of what seemed like an endless procession of Zoom panels featuring moderators behaving like the stars of hostage tapes, reading stiffly from scripts on their computers, eyes darting uncomfortably everywhere but the camera, and panelists in various stages of "it's a pandemic and I haven't gotten a haircut since February," out of focus and staring off into the distance while someone else is talking. It was a week of "how have you been coping with the pandemic?," followed by "well, the first month was terrible, but we've redoubled our efforts and maintained our community connection and responded to our clients' needs." There, saved you a week of virtual convention.

(Okay, there were some interesting insights and some valuable advice was imparted, but after a week of sitting in front of hours of convention panels, I reserve the right to be at least partially dismissive.)

Which led to my mind wandering, and this thought: If the audio industry -- radio, podcasts, shouting out the window at squirrels -- prides itself on the effectiveness, nay, the supremacy of audio as a medium, why are all the virtual radio conventions doing video?

Okay, look, I get it. You gotta do video for these things because they're replacing live events. Live conventions are where people like me sit in hotel and convention center meeting rooms and try to stay awake while people in suits sit on a dimly-lit platform at the front of the room speak in monotone while trying to avoid saying anything that would get them in trouble. The audience may not have a lot to look at, but there IS something to look at. (There's also the back of the head of the inevitably tall person sitting in front of you. I've had people wearing enormous, festively adorned hats sit in front of me. It was an improvement.)

But I've always contended that conventions forget that they're shows, that, with the exception of the insanely elaborate and sometimes comical and ill-considered press unveilings at CES, most convention panels and presentations are dull and almost hostile to the idea that they need to be visually stimulating, if only to keep the room awake. And the virtual versions shouldn't be the same as the in-person versions, a bunch of people sitting there droning on. Yet, if they HAVE to involve a bunch of people droning, why even bother with the video? Theater of the mind, people. Hire a podcast producer who can edit and add music and make it sound compelling. Use it to PROVE that audio is the best medium for selling product, this product being audio itself. As for Q&As, wouldn't it be more entertaining to do it like talk radio? If the panel's live, maybe take live calls from the audience throughout the hour? Showing people how radio works instead of just talking about it?

That's my free advice to the industry for this week. Someone please act on it before I have to watch more Zoom panels and what's left of my mind melts away.

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Somehow, I've been able to keep the topics flowing at All Access' own show prep repository, Talk Topics. Click here and/or follow the Talk Topics Twitter feed at @talktopics with every story individually linked to the appropriate item. Also, there's a brand new "10 Questions With..." Hutson Mason, the University of Georgia quarterback turned radio host both locally at 680 The Fan in Atlanta (paired with another UGA QB, Buck Belue) and nationally every Saturday morning on SportsMap Radio Network.

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Oh, one more tip for virtual conventions: Lunch break, please, for both coasts. And bathroom breaks would be nice, too.

Perry Michael Simon
Vice President/Editor, News-Talk-Sports and Podcast
AllAccess.com
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